Dreams

Dreams.

There once was a classroom full of dreams. Timmy wanted to be a police officer. Susan wanted to be a Veterinarian. Dominique wanted to be a singer. Tina wanted to be a nurse.

But what if in that classroom full of dreams, the teacher said no?

"oh Dominique, you can't be a singer because you have a lisp. How about a fire fighter instead? Or an army man! And Tina! Surely you do not want to be a nurse, you became squeamish at Timmy's bloody knee today on the playground!"

Most parents, when finding out that a teacher had told their child they could not be anything they wanted to be when growing up, would be infuriated. But you know, sometimes that teacher is right.

All our dreams can't come true. There just simply isn't enough time in the world, and that realization has been pounding at me for quite some time now.

My main dreams that seem to contradict themselves are being a mother, and being a psychologist. You see, more than likely I would want to stay home for a good 2 years of my child's life to raise them. At 3 they would be able to go to preschool. But then, at such an age difference I would more than likely wish to have another. And I have always wanted to have more than 2 children. We'll say three, all of which have 2 years apart. That is six years of stay at home mommying.

I will be approximately 23 when I receive my BA in Psychology, and then 6 Semesters of a Masters Program which means 2-3 more years of college. Which personally I would imagine it being 3. To finish off the schooling part I need a 1 to 2 year internship to be able to get my license within the state of GA to practice Clinical Psychology. At that point I am 28 years of age (if things go according to this time schedule).

Am I suppose to start my career after all that school or start my stay at home mommying? See, I have a very high chance of medically needing a hysterectomy by the age of 35-36. Maybe later if that part of my genetics was blessed. However they were not. I have PCOS which means that with each year it becomes harder and harder for me to be able to conceive.

So what am I suppose to do? I know I can technically be a career woman and a mother at the same time, but I will not have anywhere near the tenure to be able to be a part time clinican in a private practice. Not in that time frame.

Then there is the whole once the kids are in school you can go back to work. And maybe that could be so. But at 35 am I going to want to start a career?

I guess my main thing is that I have this voice in the back of my head that tells me I am going to school for absolutely no reason—that I am wasting my time. I could be working a 40 hour/week job as a secretary, be able to do things locally like plays with the ‘Dosta Playhouse, work on my artwork more, and be lining a good nest egg for the kids.

See, I found out the other day that I like doing the house wife thing. And THAT flipped me around even more because I always imagined I would hate it. But no, I enjoyed it immensely. I cooked 3 meals that day, cleaned up around the house and just had a great time.

The fun part is that I am very positive any of you reading this blog will tell me to stay in school—that finishing college is always the answer. I frickin’ hate school you guys. God, Do I hate it. I am still immensely intrigued by psychology. I still want to practice it. But I want to be a mother too. BAH! I do not know what to do.